So here i am - Single, 28 and the daughter of a mother who
hyperventilates even when she finds out that the hero of her favorite TV
series is married (in real life).
My Mother is in that zone where she thinks me getting married will solve all my troubles (even skin troubles). She thinks that, all these years, I've only wasted in being friends - had i initiated romance with someone i would have had my first child by now (SURE! like i didn't initiate romance ME!! no ROMANCE??). Anyway, so now after much insistence I've allowed her to pay 6K for a 6 month membership at one of these shaadi type websites!
No! this is not my way of letting the world know how miserable i feel - but my stories are meant to entertain, only ENTERTAIN!
Also because i met a few girls who are going through the same and i want them to see the BRIGHT side, which brings me to the first guy i ever met - "Mr. I've seen life and trust me, i think you need help"!!
So I'm 45 minutes late for a meeting my mother had fixed. According to her, she told me.According to me, this is what happened?
Mom calls me in the middle of work - "Hey! they really want you to meet this guy, i told them we dont want bald boys (correction MEN!) but they insist we meet him. So can we go today at 6?"
ME - "No! of course not! im at work at 6, ill leave by 630. ask them if 7 is ok?"
Mom - OK!
I dont receive any call after this. So i assume 7 is not okay! Anyhu, here i am with Mr. Bright ass, 45 minutes late!
Bright Ass - Hi! my name is "typically Puneri" im 6 feet tall!
ME (staring at him) - Hi I'm Meenal and this is the first time im meeting someone!
Bright Ass (wide eyed) - oh is it? why is that so? (im not changing the script, these are his words)
ME (stumped) - umm... because my Mother paid for..
Bright Ass (butting in) - OHH!!! so your mother wants you to be married, you dont want to marry?
ME (a little irritated) - of course i wanna be married (just not to you!)
Bright Ass - Why you have an accent?
ME - because I've been born and brought up in Dubai but by now i think i've lost it (but i guess, im only going to lose my mind in the next 10 mins)
Bright Ass - So tell me about yourself...
ME - What would you like to know..
BA - anything, what you do? what you like? your height? (WHAT THE FU*@ is the obsession with height???) i didnt see properly when you were standing (basically didn't check me out!)
ME - well, i work for a private FM station in Pune. I head the programming..
BA - oh, what softwares you work on?
ME - umm... "NAme of Software"
BA - oh you work only on one software fulll day??
ME (confused and then enlightened) - oh Programming has nothing to do with Softwares - its Radio Programming!
BA - oh achha achha.
ME - before anything else i must tell you, i don't want to have kids!
BA (shocked and now raises his volume) - WHAT?
ME - ya! im not into kids that much..
BA - how? why you dont like kids? is it because you had some tragedy?
ME nodding my head (what kinda tragedy would i have had with KIDS?!?!?)
BA - Sorry for being personal, shweta.... but im also a little into psychology and i like to study psyches of people (sure, why dont you get the name of your experiments right before your study!) but is it related to some past mishap?
ME - no! honestly, i just dont like kids - im not a kid friendly person! i only like kids i know!
BA (ignoring what im saying, in his psyche trance) - maybe its because your parents didnt raise you well, no offense shweta! but you think you will not be able to raise a child!
ME (shocked and laughing) - WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! R u serious? i adore my parents and i dont think anyone can do a better job than they have with me! WHAT R U SAYING?
BA - NO! NO! sorry for being personal, but this is the first time i'm seeing a girl saying she doesn't want children. its a very EUROFEAN conceft! (yea ive only HEARD of people who say F instead of P but i finally met one!) SO what is your conceft of marriage?
ME - two friends living together!
BA (smiling, patronising) - what about family?
ME - what about it?
BA - see i want to have kids to pass on my wealth - you might call me aristocratic or whatever - lekin mein apna paisa daan toh nahi karunga, thats why i want to have kids!
(great! this guy will get some chik knocked up only so he knows his wealth is in good hands after he's gone!)
ME - Sure! i guess this isnt going to work then... Also i would have cut you earlier, but i didnt see this going anywhere... but my name is Meenal!
Bright ARSE! - Oh yes! Meenal Apte, right?
ME - NEVERMIND!! it doesn't matter!
I left the room, saw another girl and her parents paying up to find a suitable match!
Counsellor at shaadi - "Dont worry! we will only make you meet people that match your profile" (WHAT!!!!)
Anyway, this was the first, i may have to meet many more... After all, we've paid 6K, i need to get my money's worth dont i??
P.S. Nishu and Dee, this story was for you, since we havent had the opportunity to discuss what happened!
My Mother is in that zone where she thinks me getting married will solve all my troubles (even skin troubles). She thinks that, all these years, I've only wasted in being friends - had i initiated romance with someone i would have had my first child by now (SURE! like i didn't initiate romance ME!! no ROMANCE??). Anyway, so now after much insistence I've allowed her to pay 6K for a 6 month membership at one of these shaadi type websites!
No! this is not my way of letting the world know how miserable i feel - but my stories are meant to entertain, only ENTERTAIN!
Also because i met a few girls who are going through the same and i want them to see the BRIGHT side, which brings me to the first guy i ever met - "Mr. I've seen life and trust me, i think you need help"!!
So I'm 45 minutes late for a meeting my mother had fixed. According to her, she told me.According to me, this is what happened?
Mom calls me in the middle of work - "Hey! they really want you to meet this guy, i told them we dont want bald boys (correction MEN!) but they insist we meet him. So can we go today at 6?"
ME - "No! of course not! im at work at 6, ill leave by 630. ask them if 7 is ok?"
Mom - OK!
I dont receive any call after this. So i assume 7 is not okay! Anyhu, here i am with Mr. Bright ass, 45 minutes late!
Bright Ass - Hi! my name is "typically Puneri" im 6 feet tall!
ME (staring at him) - Hi I'm Meenal and this is the first time im meeting someone!
Bright Ass (wide eyed) - oh is it? why is that so? (im not changing the script, these are his words)
ME (stumped) - umm... because my Mother paid for..
Bright Ass (butting in) - OHH!!! so your mother wants you to be married, you dont want to marry?
ME (a little irritated) - of course i wanna be married (just not to you!)
Bright Ass - Why you have an accent?
ME - because I've been born and brought up in Dubai but by now i think i've lost it (but i guess, im only going to lose my mind in the next 10 mins)
Bright Ass - So tell me about yourself...
ME - What would you like to know..
BA - anything, what you do? what you like? your height? (WHAT THE FU*@ is the obsession with height???) i didnt see properly when you were standing (basically didn't check me out!)
ME - well, i work for a private FM station in Pune. I head the programming..
BA - oh, what softwares you work on?
ME - umm... "NAme of Software"
BA - oh you work only on one software fulll day??
ME (confused and then enlightened) - oh Programming has nothing to do with Softwares - its Radio Programming!
BA - oh achha achha.
ME - before anything else i must tell you, i don't want to have kids!
BA (shocked and now raises his volume) - WHAT?
ME - ya! im not into kids that much..
BA - how? why you dont like kids? is it because you had some tragedy?
ME nodding my head (what kinda tragedy would i have had with KIDS?!?!?)
BA - Sorry for being personal, shweta.... but im also a little into psychology and i like to study psyches of people (sure, why dont you get the name of your experiments right before your study!) but is it related to some past mishap?
ME - no! honestly, i just dont like kids - im not a kid friendly person! i only like kids i know!
BA (ignoring what im saying, in his psyche trance) - maybe its because your parents didnt raise you well, no offense shweta! but you think you will not be able to raise a child!
ME (shocked and laughing) - WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! R u serious? i adore my parents and i dont think anyone can do a better job than they have with me! WHAT R U SAYING?
BA - NO! NO! sorry for being personal, but this is the first time i'm seeing a girl saying she doesn't want children. its a very EUROFEAN conceft! (yea ive only HEARD of people who say F instead of P but i finally met one!) SO what is your conceft of marriage?
ME - two friends living together!
BA (smiling, patronising) - what about family?
ME - what about it?
BA - see i want to have kids to pass on my wealth - you might call me aristocratic or whatever - lekin mein apna paisa daan toh nahi karunga, thats why i want to have kids!
(great! this guy will get some chik knocked up only so he knows his wealth is in good hands after he's gone!)
ME - Sure! i guess this isnt going to work then... Also i would have cut you earlier, but i didnt see this going anywhere... but my name is Meenal!
Bright ARSE! - Oh yes! Meenal Apte, right?
ME - NEVERMIND!! it doesn't matter!
I left the room, saw another girl and her parents paying up to find a suitable match!
Counsellor at shaadi - "Dont worry! we will only make you meet people that match your profile" (WHAT!!!!)
Anyway, this was the first, i may have to meet many more... After all, we've paid 6K, i need to get my money's worth dont i??
P.S. Nishu and Dee, this story was for you, since we havent had the opportunity to discuss what happened!
Mee, this needs another round of circulation. Meanwhile, get the feck back to writing.
ReplyDeleteDee