Shaadi.com Chronicles – Part IV (part 2)

You Might want to read the first part of Part IV before reading this...

As sure as hell there was one – A STAGE! When I entered there was a girl on stage and she was nervous and restless and her hands were shivering with a chit of paper in her hand! Gosh! I can’t believe parents, who actually want to get their daughters married off for their happy life can put their daughters through THIS!!

Who am I to talk? I thought my parents loved me! CLEARLY NOT!

So there I was in an auditorium filled with singles – boys on one side and girls on the other! I sat right at the end, near the entrance to the hall and right outside the hall were parents of the singles.

There was a stage at the other end, there was a speaker right on top of it and there was a lady who kept calling our names from there. This kind of gave me a perspective on the marriage market / scene. And trust me, I have been living in delusion for all these years! My parents were right, get married earlier, coz the later you get married the more your chances of being stuck with MAN WITH A THICK MOUSTACHE – HAIR ON CHEST, EARS BUT NO HAIR ON HEAD! L

Also I realized that more and more people are beginning to have a speech problem. Almost every girl / guy who went up on stage had a lisp, couldn’t communicate in English – yet! “PREFERRED TO SPEAK IN ENGLISH!”

Examples –

• Boy who ‘prefer to speak in engliss’ says something about himself and all that and then continues to say what he was looking for in a girl! “she should be understanding, nice girl, cooking should be known…. Thinks hard… yaa.. this is.. what I want.. for my better half!!!!
• What was I thinking, this isn’t about singles, it’s also for married people who want to give up their better halves!
• Girl with a sweet voice, fair, light eyes, long straight hair – in short, the perfect girl! – “i want a boy who is nice and sweet natured”
• As against all of us who want a wife beater!
•  Funny surname that cracked me up and everyone stared at me in the hall – VARTI – KAR! (meaning - do it upstairs!)
• US RETURNED ‘not yet’ green card holder – “I had done my bachelors from pune university and my masters from the US of A”
•  So you start a sentence with bad grammar and then throw in the accent and US of A in the end – SCORE! I’m making notes!
•  ALSO, I realized there can be people fatter than Mee…

Anyway, finally after some 8-9 boys and girls introduced themselves, the speaker blared “Meenal Sanjagiri!” Gosh! I was suddenly so nervous! What was I doing? Where am i? and why do I have to give these guys an opportunity to judge me??

I reached the stage and took the mic and as confidently as I could started talking

Mee - Hi! My name is Meenal

Speaker Lady – Full name please (she kept cutting me and making me nervous)

Mee – Sanjagiri… Meenal Sanjagiri. I was born on the 28^th of December.

SL – what year?

Mee – uhh.. 1982… im looking for a guy who’ll be funny, humorous, social. Who loves to travel, because I love t

SL – Raas? Nakshatra? (no clue what this is)

Mee – umm.. I don’t know. I never believed in the whole patrika thing. Soo.. yea.. I’m actually very confident on stage, but since no one is actually cheering and applauding I’m feeling strange! (nervous laughter, pin drop silence continues).

SL – where do you work?

Mee – oh yea! I work at Radio City (auditorium bursts into oohs and aahs). I head the team of RJs. I’m ok with relocation! My marathi is horrible since I was born and brought up in Dubai and I’ve been raised by parents who thought independence and responsibility for ones own actions were top priority, thus I love my space! Cool?

SL – Ramesh Kamat!!! (clearly, that was my signal to get off stage)

I rushed to my mother who was sitting outside the auditorium and she seemed so impressed. “Mast bolli tu!” (you spoke so well!)

Mee – yea right!

Finally when everyone introduced themselves. We were all asked to get into the snacks and tea section and mingle! So I did just that… I was approached more by women who were interested in a career in radio. Of course I had ‘scrawny man who had a crew cut and a super long nose” come upto me and say “Hello maam! Im a scientist with amul dairy. You are working with Radio City! wow! I have one opinion!”

I raise my eyebrows, he continues, “you play nice song in the night, play in the day also!” OH SO THAT’S THE TRICK TO BEING NUMBER ONE! What would I do without scrawny scientist??

After tea and snacks was over, I asked my uncle if we were ready to go?

Uncle – What?? No, now we have to announce the names of boys that your mother has selected for you.

Mee – what??? I don’t want to marry any of these boys!!!

Uncle – ohho! Dot be judgemental!

Mee – what??? Isn’t this exactly about that! How else did you select the guys for me??

Uncle – don’t be a smarty pant!

Mee – huh??

So I wait, while my mother rushes to the stage and asks for the lady to call out the names of the boys that my mother thought were suitable for me! One of the boys had left (thank god!). and enter boy who thought was the gulli ka gunda but was actually mama’s boy!

Lime green formal shirt, sleeves rolled up. Grey trousers which barely reached his ankles, thick moosh, hair popping out of shirt and ears! Mother in tow… “Hi what is your name?”

Mee – Meenal

Mother of boy – surname?

Mee- Sanjagiri

MoB – this is my son! He is 5’9” (im sure), he is a software engg (so are all the other boys!), we live in Mumbai (BINGO! Perfect reason to not marry this boy)

Mee – oh I don’t think I want to move to Mumbai.

MoB – but you said you are okay with relocation! (I did say that, didn’t i?)

Mee – yea… but.. umm.. Mumbai was not what I meant! I’m looking at US or UK! (shallow… very shallow)

MoB made face. Boy in a tone that would suit a 5 year old “baba kuthe?” (where’s dad?)

My uncle also found me a boy, but hell, these were all boys who needed a nice homely girl who would cook, clean, take care of their parents, produce 2 kids, help kids with homework and have no dreams of her own!

I’m not saying I wont do all this. People who know me, know that I’m the first to be helpful, caring and all that. But I got my own space – cooking doesn’t come naturally to me and kids?? Well, that’s a topic for another chronicle!