I guess one in every 10 guys is, almost, made for me! I (i mean, mother) finally found a boy who spoke well (almost, barring a few grammatical errors, but that is forgiven), decided to meet at a decent coffee shop and also offered to come to my side of town to meet up!
Background - 2 months ago i had mailed this boy my details (pictures, horoscope, etc.). I received no reply and my persistent mother followed up until his father got a little annoyed and declared "Our is a Manglik and we're only looking for Manglik girls!"
Mom - Gosh! i can't believe i was upset for a second that you weren't Manglik! But don't worry, don't worry, we don't want you married into a family that thinks like that anyway. You don't take stress.
Mee (looking fully confused!) - Whaaa? stress? why? I didn't even know the guy and i don't even know what you're talking about!
Current scene - last week, this boy's mother calls my mother and says "we have received your profile and i think we should let our children meet before we meet. SO here is my son's number!"
Quick Lesson i learned - When parents are over 60, DO NOT trust their memory!
Mom (on the phone, while i'm at work) - Listen! I've given your number to this "SURNAME" boy. He will call you.
Mee - "SURNAME"??? i thought you said they didnt want a non Manglik or some shit!
Mom - Yea YA! I Know, but they've called now. Meet him and see naa..
Mee - See what? If Mangliks and Non Mangliks can actually mingle and be MINGLIKS??
Mom - I thought you don't believe in horoscope! what is all this now?
Mee - I dont believe in horoscope but I believe in Self respect! Just because in the last 2 months they didn't find a suitable Manglik girl, they decided to take the last option available!
Mom - Phisssh! what rubbish, just meet this boy and see.
Every time my mum says that I have this mental image of me 'seeing' some guy from far away, coming back home and saying "I didn't like what i saw and so i didn't Meet!"
Finally the day has arrived, when "SURNAME" boy calls. The reason I'm calling him Surname boy is because his SURNAME is super funny - that's the only reason why, i actually remembered him when my mother brought his name up after 2 months!
So he calls..
SURNAME Boy - Hi! Is this Meenal?
Mee - Yea! who's this?
SURNAME Boy - This is Name... Name SURNAME!
I couldn't utter a word! I was holding back my laugh! Not only did his name sound funnier when he said it. His voice was that of a girl! My voice sounded like a man's in front of his!
Disclaimer - Sorry! but I work in the field of communication, where quality of voice is top of mind focus! What i just heard could not have been the voice of a MAN.. a man MAN!
Mee (coughing) - Oh hi! How are you?
SURNAME BOY with Girl Voice - I'm fine. Your mother asked me to call you and fix up a time to meet.
Mee (Wow! My mother instructs other's kids, since she has no control over her own! heheheh!) - Yes! Yes! So when would you like to?
SURNAME BOY with Girl Voice - You tell me, Saturday?
Mee - Sure! where?
SBGV - Where do you stay?
Mee - Hadapsar, you?
SBGV names a PLACE SUPER FAR AWAY FROM MINE!
Mee - Ok. I must tell you I'm not really feeling too well these days. Possible for you to come to my side?
SBGV - you want to meet some other time, I'm ok with that
Mee - No No! I'm Fine! It's cool. I'll see you in Camp? It'll be equidistant.
SBGV - Sure! but i dont know anything in Camp!
GOSH! i hate guys who can't seem to find their way around the place! But in the words of a dear friend "Sometimes you have to make them the man you want them to be!" So i voluntarily decided (in case, this She Boy was the guy i was going to be stuck with) to start the process from now.
Mee (taking a deep breath) - You can ask around. SGS Mall is pretty popular!
SBGV - OK! so see you there at 7?
Mee - yes!
Saturday comes and Mom wants to know what I'm wearing, if I'm going to the parlour, What am i going to ask him.
Mom - Don't say anything about the kids thing.
Mee - Mom! Relax! Ive stopped saying that - got enough grief from friends about that!
Mom - And also the cooking!
Mee - THAT! I'm not going to lie about... I don't know how to cook and in case, he's looking for someone who does, i don't want him to assume I'm Tarla Dalal!
Mom - Listen! I taught you Hindi in 15 days - to read and write! I can teach you how to cook!
Mee - That's different Maa... i was 8! I'm 29 now.
That is all it took for her to start...
Mom (literal translation from Marathi to English) - you've become a 29 year old Horse! you still don't know how to cook! (neither does a horse!) if you want to get married also, you want the boy to speak English (well, that's the basic, isn't it!) in our time, most boys spoke only Marathi (so not true, the British were all over the place! i could have been born to a Mr. Smith! i would have been originally English!), look at your father today speaks English and Arabic also (that's true!). I don't think you want to get married (That's not true! I'm just not in a hurry!)
It's 6pm and I'm still lazing in bed watching The Holiday, dreaming of a Jude Law who'll stand at my door when i randomly open it and say "Hello Gorgeous! You and I are meant to be, so will you be mine forever!" and those pudding-y eyes and the dreamy accent is what I will live with forever
My phone rings and I crash land to reality.
SBGV - I've just left. Since i don't know how long it will take, you make the judgement and reach accordingly.
Mee - Sure!
HUNG UP.
So maybe i wasn't clear with what i wanted - I don't want a boy who just knows how to construct his sentences well. I need him to be a MAN too! Anyway, got out of bed, showered and left.
I've reached and I'm waiting but thankfully, not for too long. He enters - Huge body, small face, Man boobs included and small swallow like voice!
Mee to myself - Don't be judgemental! He maybe a nice guy... Don't look at these flaws. Look at you and your huge ass and spots on face and extra teeth, you could scare this Shrek off!
So we settle... I'm still not ready to talk. I'm feeling a little disillusioned (Note to self - please watch Dubbed south indian movies before meeting boys, that kinda lowers the bar of expectation)
SBGV - Soo... This is the first time i'm meeting a girl!
Mee - I'm sure! (Smile)
SBGV - So... What are you expecting from marriage?
Mee (stumped! I'm the one who asks this question, never prepared myself for an answer, but i think it was time to set the record straight with all the boys who never wrote back to me, who hid behind their mothers pallu and followed only what they said, who used horoscope as a means to reject a girl they didn't really think was pretty!) - Well, i'm not soo sure about what I expect from a Marriage, but yes i do have certain expectation from the MAN i will marry.
SBGV - Ok. Yes! That's what i meant. Like what?
Mee - Well, initially i had no clue, but now i have certain basics... For example he should be courteous!
SBGV (confused) - Courteous?
Mee - Yea! like when i send a mail to the boy, he should have the 'courteousness' to reply and say he received it and he would get back if he was interested.
SBGV (looking guilty) - Oh then i must apologise, that i didn't reply. Actually i've been very busy.
Mee - YES! you should apologise.I'm extremely busy too. I head a radio station - i have enough crazy people to deal with! Secondly, I need to be his first choice.
SBGV - Meaning?
Mee - Meaning i can't send someone my profile 2 months ago and after he's seen a million girls 'settle' for me. Your mother made it pretty clear that you wanted only a 'manglik'. 2 months later, im assuming, after you havent found a suitable Manglik you approach my mother, who seemed very keen and didnt care about this manglik nonsense and asked if we can meet. Again, you still think that you can make the decision.
SBGV - No no! I dont believe in this Manglik... only my moth..
Mee - I think you should tell your mother that, because they're looking for Mangliks! Which brings me to my third expectation, i need the boy to be truthful and open with his parents. If he's not in favor of anything, he needs to be clear. I dont want to be vicitim of Mother in law injustice and have my husband go with the flow... If you know what i mean!
SBGV - Yes! Yes! i mean that will not happen.
Mee - I'm sure it wont. But these are certain basic expectations. Also, I'm curious... You received my profile, TWO MONTHS AGO and you didn't feel the need to reply but 3 days ago when you called to ask if we could meet, you still didnt feel the need to send me YOUR profile so i could take a look and decide if i really wanted to meet or not. If you suited my profile or not? So my next expectation is pretty basic - i need to be treated equally. So these are pretty much the things i need out of a man or ANY relationship for that matter.
SBGV - No your mother actually showed a lot of interest in my profile... so.
Mee - Yea! 2 months ago... Your mother called last week.
SBGV - No it's not like that... I mean. You know I'm really very busy - i work 1pm - 10pm everyday and i have this new project i work on weekends.
Mee - I'm sure you're pretty busy. (wanted to continue to say "which is why i think you might be busy even now and i wouldn't want to hold you up" and storm out in true Hollywood style but I'm not really THAT mean!)
SBGV - Ok.. would you like to have some coffee?
Mee - I've just had lunch soo... But ok, i guess a cappuccino.
We head to the counter and i insist again on going dutch, but boy wants to pay and this time, something inside me says LET HIM! He's a dick and you're never going to see him ever anyway!
Also through out the evening, he kept insisting on asking me to tell him if there was anything i needed to tell him!
Questions like..
"How come a girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend?" - What is that supposed to mean??
"You can tell me anything you like!" - YEa.. Right!
"You seem like a workaholic! Work life balance should also be there no?" - FUCK OFF!
"I spend my entire weekend out of the house!" - If hell freezes over and I marry you, i'll look forward to my weekends!
One more time, "Let me know, if you want me to know anything!" - What the hell is he trying to get out of me! So i finally give in, i thought hard - what was it that i really needed to tell this guy!
"I Drink!" I declared!
SBGV - Oh That's ok! I drink too. But only thing is, I don't come in front of my parents when I drink!
Mee - Like you don't drink with your parents around!
SBGV (lets out a laugh) - No ! No! that toh never! who can drink like that?
Mee - Uhh.. Me! We have a bar at home. We drink Sunday afternoons!
SBGV - No no we are not so modern at home. But I drink outside and make sure i dont come i front of my parents.
Mee - Woah! I don't drink that much. I said I drink, I don't get Drunk and i'm not an alcoholic!
SBGV - No No! even i am not...
Mee - I'm Sure!
So this ended the meet. I had nothing to say to him except "Please don't expect me to give my response to this meeting, first. You can get your parents to call and give feedback to mom!"
I finally feel a little free. I go home and tell Mum everything, half expecting her to be pissed about why i needed to be so rude!
Mom - Very good! What do they think? How can they behave like this! I get so angry when we email and we dont get response. And good...Good! You told him that you didn't find a girl now so you're calling me! Very good!
Love you Mom!
(This post dedicated to Mom, for Mom's Day! I'd be nothing without you Mommy!)
Background - 2 months ago i had mailed this boy my details (pictures, horoscope, etc.). I received no reply and my persistent mother followed up until his father got a little annoyed and declared "Our is a Manglik and we're only looking for Manglik girls!"
Mom - Gosh! i can't believe i was upset for a second that you weren't Manglik! But don't worry, don't worry, we don't want you married into a family that thinks like that anyway. You don't take stress.
Mee (looking fully confused!) - Whaaa? stress? why? I didn't even know the guy and i don't even know what you're talking about!
Current scene - last week, this boy's mother calls my mother and says "we have received your profile and i think we should let our children meet before we meet. SO here is my son's number!"
Quick Lesson i learned - When parents are over 60, DO NOT trust their memory!
Mom (on the phone, while i'm at work) - Listen! I've given your number to this "SURNAME" boy. He will call you.
Mee - "SURNAME"??? i thought you said they didnt want a non Manglik or some shit!
Mom - Yea YA! I Know, but they've called now. Meet him and see naa..
Mee - See what? If Mangliks and Non Mangliks can actually mingle and be MINGLIKS??
Mom - I thought you don't believe in horoscope! what is all this now?
Mee - I dont believe in horoscope but I believe in Self respect! Just because in the last 2 months they didn't find a suitable Manglik girl, they decided to take the last option available!
Mom - Phisssh! what rubbish, just meet this boy and see.
Every time my mum says that I have this mental image of me 'seeing' some guy from far away, coming back home and saying "I didn't like what i saw and so i didn't Meet!"
Finally the day has arrived, when "SURNAME" boy calls. The reason I'm calling him Surname boy is because his SURNAME is super funny - that's the only reason why, i actually remembered him when my mother brought his name up after 2 months!
So he calls..
SURNAME Boy - Hi! Is this Meenal?
Mee - Yea! who's this?
SURNAME Boy - This is Name... Name SURNAME!
I couldn't utter a word! I was holding back my laugh! Not only did his name sound funnier when he said it. His voice was that of a girl! My voice sounded like a man's in front of his!
Disclaimer - Sorry! but I work in the field of communication, where quality of voice is top of mind focus! What i just heard could not have been the voice of a MAN.. a man MAN!
Mee (coughing) - Oh hi! How are you?
SURNAME BOY with Girl Voice - I'm fine. Your mother asked me to call you and fix up a time to meet.
Mee (Wow! My mother instructs other's kids, since she has no control over her own! heheheh!) - Yes! Yes! So when would you like to?
SURNAME BOY with Girl Voice - You tell me, Saturday?
Mee - Sure! where?
SBGV - Where do you stay?
Mee - Hadapsar, you?
SBGV names a PLACE SUPER FAR AWAY FROM MINE!
Mee - Ok. I must tell you I'm not really feeling too well these days. Possible for you to come to my side?
SBGV - you want to meet some other time, I'm ok with that
Mee - No No! I'm Fine! It's cool. I'll see you in Camp? It'll be equidistant.
SBGV - Sure! but i dont know anything in Camp!
GOSH! i hate guys who can't seem to find their way around the place! But in the words of a dear friend "Sometimes you have to make them the man you want them to be!" So i voluntarily decided (in case, this She Boy was the guy i was going to be stuck with) to start the process from now.
Mee (taking a deep breath) - You can ask around. SGS Mall is pretty popular!
SBGV - OK! so see you there at 7?
Mee - yes!
Saturday comes and Mom wants to know what I'm wearing, if I'm going to the parlour, What am i going to ask him.
Mom - Don't say anything about the kids thing.
Mee - Mom! Relax! Ive stopped saying that - got enough grief from friends about that!
Mom - And also the cooking!
Mee - THAT! I'm not going to lie about... I don't know how to cook and in case, he's looking for someone who does, i don't want him to assume I'm Tarla Dalal!
Mom - Listen! I taught you Hindi in 15 days - to read and write! I can teach you how to cook!
Mee - That's different Maa... i was 8! I'm 29 now.
That is all it took for her to start...
Mom (literal translation from Marathi to English) - you've become a 29 year old Horse! you still don't know how to cook! (neither does a horse!) if you want to get married also, you want the boy to speak English (well, that's the basic, isn't it!) in our time, most boys spoke only Marathi (so not true, the British were all over the place! i could have been born to a Mr. Smith! i would have been originally English!), look at your father today speaks English and Arabic also (that's true!). I don't think you want to get married (That's not true! I'm just not in a hurry!)
It's 6pm and I'm still lazing in bed watching The Holiday, dreaming of a Jude Law who'll stand at my door when i randomly open it and say "Hello Gorgeous! You and I are meant to be, so will you be mine forever!" and those pudding-y eyes and the dreamy accent is what I will live with forever
My phone rings and I crash land to reality.
SBGV - I've just left. Since i don't know how long it will take, you make the judgement and reach accordingly.
Mee - Sure!
HUNG UP.
So maybe i wasn't clear with what i wanted - I don't want a boy who just knows how to construct his sentences well. I need him to be a MAN too! Anyway, got out of bed, showered and left.
I've reached and I'm waiting but thankfully, not for too long. He enters - Huge body, small face, Man boobs included and small swallow like voice!
Mee to myself - Don't be judgemental! He maybe a nice guy... Don't look at these flaws. Look at you and your huge ass and spots on face and extra teeth, you could scare this Shrek off!
So we settle... I'm still not ready to talk. I'm feeling a little disillusioned (Note to self - please watch Dubbed south indian movies before meeting boys, that kinda lowers the bar of expectation)
SBGV - Soo... This is the first time i'm meeting a girl!
Mee - I'm sure! (Smile)
SBGV - So... What are you expecting from marriage?
Mee (stumped! I'm the one who asks this question, never prepared myself for an answer, but i think it was time to set the record straight with all the boys who never wrote back to me, who hid behind their mothers pallu and followed only what they said, who used horoscope as a means to reject a girl they didn't really think was pretty!) - Well, i'm not soo sure about what I expect from a Marriage, but yes i do have certain expectation from the MAN i will marry.
SBGV - Ok. Yes! That's what i meant. Like what?
Mee - Well, initially i had no clue, but now i have certain basics... For example he should be courteous!
SBGV (confused) - Courteous?
Mee - Yea! like when i send a mail to the boy, he should have the 'courteousness' to reply and say he received it and he would get back if he was interested.
SBGV (looking guilty) - Oh then i must apologise, that i didn't reply. Actually i've been very busy.
Mee - YES! you should apologise.I'm extremely busy too. I head a radio station - i have enough crazy people to deal with! Secondly, I need to be his first choice.
SBGV - Meaning?
Mee - Meaning i can't send someone my profile 2 months ago and after he's seen a million girls 'settle' for me. Your mother made it pretty clear that you wanted only a 'manglik'. 2 months later, im assuming, after you havent found a suitable Manglik you approach my mother, who seemed very keen and didnt care about this manglik nonsense and asked if we can meet. Again, you still think that you can make the decision.
SBGV - No no! I dont believe in this Manglik... only my moth..
Mee - I think you should tell your mother that, because they're looking for Mangliks! Which brings me to my third expectation, i need the boy to be truthful and open with his parents. If he's not in favor of anything, he needs to be clear. I dont want to be vicitim of Mother in law injustice and have my husband go with the flow... If you know what i mean!
SBGV - Yes! Yes! i mean that will not happen.
Mee - I'm sure it wont. But these are certain basic expectations. Also, I'm curious... You received my profile, TWO MONTHS AGO and you didn't feel the need to reply but 3 days ago when you called to ask if we could meet, you still didnt feel the need to send me YOUR profile so i could take a look and decide if i really wanted to meet or not. If you suited my profile or not? So my next expectation is pretty basic - i need to be treated equally. So these are pretty much the things i need out of a man or ANY relationship for that matter.
SBGV - No your mother actually showed a lot of interest in my profile... so.
Mee - Yea! 2 months ago... Your mother called last week.
SBGV - No it's not like that... I mean. You know I'm really very busy - i work 1pm - 10pm everyday and i have this new project i work on weekends.
Mee - I'm sure you're pretty busy. (wanted to continue to say "which is why i think you might be busy even now and i wouldn't want to hold you up" and storm out in true Hollywood style but I'm not really THAT mean!)
SBGV - Ok.. would you like to have some coffee?
Mee - I've just had lunch soo... But ok, i guess a cappuccino.
We head to the counter and i insist again on going dutch, but boy wants to pay and this time, something inside me says LET HIM! He's a dick and you're never going to see him ever anyway!
Also through out the evening, he kept insisting on asking me to tell him if there was anything i needed to tell him!
Questions like..
"How come a girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend?" - What is that supposed to mean??
"You can tell me anything you like!" - YEa.. Right!
"You seem like a workaholic! Work life balance should also be there no?" - FUCK OFF!
"I spend my entire weekend out of the house!" - If hell freezes over and I marry you, i'll look forward to my weekends!
One more time, "Let me know, if you want me to know anything!" - What the hell is he trying to get out of me! So i finally give in, i thought hard - what was it that i really needed to tell this guy!
"I Drink!" I declared!
SBGV - Oh That's ok! I drink too. But only thing is, I don't come in front of my parents when I drink!
Mee - Like you don't drink with your parents around!
SBGV (lets out a laugh) - No ! No! that toh never! who can drink like that?
Mee - Uhh.. Me! We have a bar at home. We drink Sunday afternoons!
SBGV - No no we are not so modern at home. But I drink outside and make sure i dont come i front of my parents.
Mee - Woah! I don't drink that much. I said I drink, I don't get Drunk and i'm not an alcoholic!
SBGV - No No! even i am not...
Mee - I'm Sure!
So this ended the meet. I had nothing to say to him except "Please don't expect me to give my response to this meeting, first. You can get your parents to call and give feedback to mom!"
I finally feel a little free. I go home and tell Mum everything, half expecting her to be pissed about why i needed to be so rude!
Mom - Very good! What do they think? How can they behave like this! I get so angry when we email and we dont get response. And good...Good! You told him that you didn't find a girl now so you're calling me! Very good!
Love you Mom!
(This post dedicated to Mom, for Mom's Day! I'd be nothing without you Mommy!)
<3, In time, love shall find you !!
ReplyDeletehahahaha! I hope you continue to happily write ever after!
ReplyDeleteI second Sangram's statement - and will reiterate - we met ur jeeju at CAMP, he didn't know where Arora Towers was, his English and hairstyle you know.. and u know the rest as well so .. oh did i forget to add then there was AYRA!
ReplyDeleteIf you do get married to him, and you both get drunk (or drink), where will you two go? Also, tell surname na...
ReplyDeleteI get your point, Surname isnt being told to anyone! It will remain a secret i will take with me to the end!
ReplyDeleteMee to myself - Don't be judgemental! He maybe a nice guy... Don't look at these flaws. Look at you and you're huge ass and spots on face and extra teeth, you could scare this Shrek off!
ReplyDeletePl contact BACK-END support guy from previous 'date'... he may be able to help with "you're" huge ass problem.
Hahahaha...... "courteousness"!!!
ReplyDelete